Broken and not ashamed

Here sits a mother of a 3 year old who is at breaking point. Yes you read that right my 3 year old has broken me, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.I cant even get my daughter to do a simple task like brush her teeth, which makes me feel like a complete failure as a mother, I actually dislike my child at times which makes me feel guilty because as her mum I should like her always right?

I have been reduced to tears by her and struggling with headaches which I feel may be down to the pressure I feel under with her.  

My youngest daughter has always been head strong right from being months old and so she has been a little bit hard work however, over the last few weeks she has just become so stubborn and a pain in the arse.

For instance the other morning we were already to leave the house for the morning school run and I asked her to put her shoes on, which she is more than capable of, however she took it upon herself to have such a tantrum about it which went from bad to worse.

Which resulted in her sitting in the corner of her bedroom, literally screaming NO at me. I asked her politely again to pop her shoes on to which she carried on shouting at me and crying that she didn’t want to.

Eventually I got her shoes on her but realised there was a new challenge on the horizon which was gloves and coat.

How I managed to keep my calm I have no idea, because she sat on her hands so I couldn’t get her gloves on, she carried on shouting at me and kicking her legs about, I had tried to reason with her.

I explained to her that if her hands got cold I wouldn’t be able to put her gloves on whilst we were walking to school.

We managed the coat smoothly and so proceeded to the front door and, this is where it escalated and went pear-shaped again.

My eldest daughter walked out the door and the youngest decided at that moment she didn’t want to step foot any further out of our flat and so she grabbed hold of the door frame!!!

That is just one example of the daily struggles that I am going through with her, these meltdowns can happen anywhere between 3 to 10 times a day and I am at my wits end.

I broke down in tears on the school run the other morning while talking to friends about what has happened and asking them for advice. I truly felt broken.

The only problem lies with what do I do. I have tried all the suggestions and they aren’t making a blind difference. I have tried the naughty step, ignoring her, shouting, taking toys away, no treats, rewarding the good behaviour, the Santa talk, telling grandparents etc and it all just fails.

I feel like I am failing as a mother because I cant negotiate with her when these meltdowns happen, I don’t know why she is doing it and I certainly don’t know how to stop them and so feel like its my fault.

I get funny looks if she does it while we are out in public and people tutting at me I know it shouldn’t matter what others think but its continual and adding to my thoughts that I’m failing.

I am so drained mentally and emotionally by all of this. What can I do?

I swear children should come with a manual and there should be some sort of “tech support”

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8 thoughts on “Broken and not ashamed

  1. You have a normal 3 year old. She’s just testing you, and you are new to this so don’t show signs of weakness! So.. Never threaten without being able to take it to the end. Let her walk to school without shoes, coat etc BUT always tell her you love her and she’ll get cold etc if she goes without. When she gives in NEVER show any emotion just put on her shoes on or whatever, then kiss her and tell her you love her. Children want to be loved, they fight for attention. Mine at 3 put their hands on their hips and with beautiful blue eyes looked at me and said (after I refused her something) “you are ruining my life!” Lol!

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    1. I try not to give in. I do tell her that I love her but the showing no emotions when she gives in is hard, especially when you are at the end of the day and dealt with about 15 tantrums x

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  2. Medical assessment? What nonsense! She’s a perfectly normal little girl. I have races in the morning with Lily to see who can get dressed first, it works every time.Try to make it fun for her hon, less stressful for you if it works!
    Oh, I have been sooo close to losing it with each of my kids, and have wanted to run away many times, don’t be so hard on yourself! You are a wonderful Mum, but I’m afraid the terrible 3’s are much, much harder than the terrible 2’s!!

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    1. Emme-Mai (3yo) just has a meltdown because her sister wins so it doesn’t make it any easier 😦 I have lost it a lot recently. I will openly admit I have shouted and locked myself in the bathroom to calm down. My eldest was so laid back and placid, so having Emme-Mai temper tantrum the way she does is new territory to me x

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  3. What are the underlying issues? Is she kicking off because there is something major that has happened in your lives that left her very angry? Is she in need of medical assessment and medication, maybe?
    You are not the only one going through this and her behaviour is not your fault. You just need support and medical expertise to get to the bottom of this.
    Hugs.

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    1. There is nothing major that has happened in our lives to make her “angry” and she certainly doesn’t need medication, she is just a 3 year old toddler who is pushing her boundaries with me and it’s just a stage, that being said doesn’t take away the fact that it’s hard work and draining on me x

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  4. Your not failing and your not battling alone. I battle on a daily basis with my 4 year old and feel totally the same with not liking him then feel terrible because as you said a mother should always like their child. Hearing you say it has made me realise I’m not alone. Thank you xx

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    1. I’m pleased that by writing this it has made somebody else know they aren’t alone 🙂 being a mother can feel like such a lonely place at times x

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