An open letter to her absent father

Even in the very beginning you were really interested. I know we were only 19 but we knew the consequences of unsafe sex and we had said 7 months before I fell pregnant that if it happened then we would embrace it. 

I remember going to the majority of my midwife appointments by myself and also going to the scans without you there. You weren’t supportive throughout my pregnancy and even when I was in labour you just played on your games console. When we eventually went to the hospital you sat in the corner of the room and didn’t really get involved, it was your mum who was my birthing partner. I get it must of been scary watching me give birth but that was our daughter I was bringing into the world and all I wanted was your support. 

We bought home our 5lb 15oz bundle of joy on the Saturday evening and the next day you went off to Birmingham to play a 6 aside football tournament. I was left with our daughter at my parents home which is where we lived and it was me and my parents who gave Ava-Leigh her first bath, you weren’t there to share that moment. In fact you weren’t there to share many of her first experiences. 

I was young and it was all new and scary to me as well but unlike you I couldn’t just wander off and do my own thing, I had a baby to look after our baby, our daughter. I went back to work and still did everything for her and with her, you were too busy socialising, playing football or swanning off to your parents for hours on end. 

I had enough and left you when Ava-Leigh was 9 months old, but I always said that you could see her as and when you wanted. I didn’t give time or day restrictions, I didn’t go through the courts, we were adult enough to sort out the contact between ourselves. 

It was all ok until you took her to the hospital and made allegations that I was neglecting our daughter. I will never forget that night in the hospital and all the questions from various doctors and nurses and what you put me through. After that I was so worried that you would do it again I stopped you from seeing her for 6 weeks. That was my choice because of your actions, but that was the only time that I dictated to you about contact. There were so many occasions after this where you didn’t show up to pick her up or would go off the radar. 

The most recent was Christmas 2013 the last time you saw our daughter, 27th December to be exact!! Yes that’s right I still remember the very last time you turned your back on our daughter, in actual fact I can’t even call her our daughter, she is my daughter! 

The next time I heard from you was the middle of January, you had ignored my calls and texts about arranging for when you would next see her. It was another 4 months later that you contacted me after I had tried endlessly to contact you and yet you ignored me. 

Over that last year I had heard from you a handful of times and yet you haven’t fought to see Ava-Leigh the last time I had a text was August 2014. 

You really have no clue about the little girl who I have raised, you don’t know her personality, the little cheeky grin she has, her favourite food, colour, item of clothing, how she is getting on school etc, all because you turned your back on her for whatever reason. 

To be honest I don’t care what your reason is because it will never be worthy of leaving her behind. If she ever wants to contact you when she is old enough to deal with it then I will never stop her but she will know the whole story of the last 6 years because she deserves to know that you haven’t been here for her but she will also know that it was never anything that she did, it was all your doing!! 

I can’t get my head around why you have done this to her, you don’t see the hurt or upset that I have. The questions as to why you don’t see her, the awful question of Why doesn’t he love me? She is that used to it now that she calls Brad her daddy! That was her own decision, she told me that he was her daddy because he is the one who is here and does things with her and loves her! Bradley and I are the ones who have bought her up and given her the support, guidance and reassurance when she has needed it. 

I hope one day you realise exactly what you lost and that it was all your doing. You have missed out on such a wonderful little girl. 

Mummascribbles</div

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27 thoughts on “An open letter to her absent father

  1. This has brought more than one tear to my eye, you are completely right it is totally his loss. You have done an amazing job bringing up your daughter and it sounds like she has an amazing family and the fact she has chosen your husband as her father speaks volumes. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I am incredibly proud of her and knowing that the little girl that she is, is all down to me, my husband and the family who have stuck around x

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  2. I can relate to this. *sigh* Slightly different circumstances but an absent father, is an absent father. It’s sad but really, it’s there loss! She’s better off without him (as is my daughter). Our daughters have us and other family. That’s all they need. Bless you. *hugs* xx

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  3. That’s very sad, but it is really his loss. Children don’t need unreliable people, and she has the care and love that she does need from the people raising her. He, on the other hand, has missed out. #twinklytuesday

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    1. I am hoping that my daughter will make her own mind up about her biological dad and if she decided she wanted to contact him then I wouldn’t deny her that chance but I would prepare her for what might come. X

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    1. I couldn’t of done this without my husband. He has taken her on as his own and I always stand by the fact that he has been an amazing father figure to her and is the one who she will turn to when she needs him x

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    1. I do feel sorry for my daughter, however I am also so grateful that he did this to her at an early age, in the hope that it won’t do as much damage to her x

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  4. God that made me cry, I know because I am like your daughter, I was left behind by both parents and raised in care by the age of 10. My mother came back into my life but she has been so absent and I haven’t seen my dad in 12 years. You always question why but to me my family have always been my friends. They are the ones who have looked out for me like I was one of their own. Your daughter is a very special girl and to watch a parent turn their back their own child does not make worthy to to even be called a dad or mum.

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  5. YES, GIRL! who needs him when she already has a perfect father for her. I too will never understand a man that can’t take responsibility. You have raised her well, you made her strong and given her unconditional love than a biological father ever did. I wish you the very best with your family and a man that take cares of your daughter and you.

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  6. I’m sorry that Ava-Leigh’s dad has chosen to define himself in her life by his absence rather than his presence. It’s totally his loss as she sounds a lovely little girl. Um … Hugs. Because there’s nothing I can say that will fix it or make it better. But hopefully a hug will help.

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    1. To be completely honest she is better off without him. She has all she needs with me and my husband and her other siblings. She has a plentiful family who surround her with love and affection and she is turning in to a wonderful little girl without any input from him x

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