Even in the very beginning you were really interested. I know we were only 19 but we knew the consequences of unsafe sex and we had said 7 months before I fell pregnant that if it happened then we would embrace it.
I remember going to the majority of my midwife appointments by myself and also going to the scans without you there. You weren’t supportive throughout my pregnancy and even when I was in labour you just played on your games console. When we eventually went to the hospital you sat in the corner of the room and didn’t really get involved, it was your mum who was my birthing partner. I get it must of been scary watching me give birth but that was our daughter I was bringing into the world and all I wanted was your support.
We bought home our 5lb 15oz bundle of joy on the Saturday evening and the next day you went off to Birmingham to play a 6 aside football tournament. I was left with our daughter at my parents home which is where we lived and it was me and my parents who gave Ava-Leigh her first bath, you weren’t there to share that moment. In fact you weren’t there to share many of her first experiences.
I was young and it was all new and scary to me as well but unlike you I couldn’t just wander off and do my own thing, I had a baby to look after our baby, our daughter. I went back to work and still did everything for her and with her, you were too busy socialising, playing football or swanning off to your parents for hours on end.
I had enough and left you when Ava-Leigh was 9 months old, but I always said that you could see her as and when you wanted. I didn’t give time or day restrictions, I didn’t go through the courts, we were adult enough to sort out the contact between ourselves.
It was all ok until you took her to the hospital and made allegations that I was neglecting our daughter. I will never forget that night in the hospital and all the questions from various doctors and nurses and what you put me through. After that I was so worried that you would do it again I stopped you from seeing her for 6 weeks. That was my choice because of your actions, but that was the only time that I dictated to you about contact. There were so many occasions after this where you didn’t show up to pick her up or would go off the radar.
The most recent was Christmas 2013 the last time you saw our daughter, 27th December to be exact!! Yes that’s right I still remember the very last time you turned your back on our daughter, in actual fact I can’t even call her our daughter, she is my daughter!
The next time I heard from you was the middle of January, you had ignored my calls and texts about arranging for when you would next see her. It was another 4 months later that you contacted me after I had tried endlessly to contact you and yet you ignored me.
Over that last year I had heard from you a handful of times and yet you haven’t fought to see Ava-Leigh the last time I had a text was August 2014.
You really have no clue about the little girl who I have raised, you don’t know her personality, the little cheeky grin she has, her favourite food, colour, item of clothing, how she is getting on school etc, all because you turned your back on her for whatever reason.
To be honest I don’t care what your reason is because it will never be worthy of leaving her behind. If she ever wants to contact you when she is old enough to deal with it then I will never stop her but she will know the whole story of the last 6 years because she deserves to know that you haven’t been here for her but she will also know that it was never anything that she did, it was all your doing!!
I can’t get my head around why you have done this to her, you don’t see the hurt or upset that I have. The questions as to why you don’t see her, the awful question of Why doesn’t he love me? She is that used to it now that she calls Brad her daddy! That was her own decision, she told me that he was her daddy because he is the one who is here and does things with her and loves her! Bradley and I are the ones who have bought her up and given her the support, guidance and reassurance when she has needed it.
I hope one day you realise exactly what you lost and that it was all your doing. You have missed out on such a wonderful little girl.