I can freely admit that as a mother I am no where near perfect or the type of mother that I thought I would be. I have gone into more detail about this previously in a post Natural Born Mother and earlier this week it showed.
The girls had been really hard work, they were messing around, not listening and just generally bouncing off the walls. I had asked them quite a few times to just calm down and play nicely, but as the majority of the time it fell on deaf ears. Now I know most parents can relate to this exact situation but wouldn’t normally admit it but I will.
I ended up screaming at the pair of them to the point of actually really hurting my throat in the process. Neither of them knew what to do and just stood staring at me like a had gone mad. Now I did feel like a woman possessed at this point and I really don’t know what came over me. I can usually tolerate their misbehaviour for quite some time. I usually talk to them in a quiet manner, ask them very nicely to listen to what mummy is saying etc, but that morning I just couldn’t take it.
Now this next part I am no proud of at all, but in the moment I didn’t know what else I could do to get through to my eldest daughter, so I smacked her on the arm. This shocked her and she did go off crying, not because she was hurt but because she knows if that happens then I am at my breaking point.
I’m not entirely sure why I was so short fused but I think it may have something to do with the time of year and all the stress of Christmas, also maybe that I am not feeling 100% in the fact of feeling like I may be coming down with a horrible crappy cold and that the signs are here starting to slip into a mini episode of depression.