Over the last few weeks I have had moments where I have been watching somebody go about their errands, doing something at home or work and then, I realise it’s me. It’s like an outer body experience at times. Everything is moving at 100mph or at least that’s how it feels, I get agitated and flustered and a little panicky.
I vaguely remember having moments like this when I was younger, however when I was younger I never really paid much attention to it. I have started to make a mental note of when it happens now though, to see if I can see any pattern with it. I spoke to my mum about it too as she has ‘issues’ and is really supportive and helpful with things like this. She has experienced something very similar and has asked me to go to the doctors about it. My mum seems to think it could be something called ‘depersonalisation’ which you can read about here. I have been under a lot of stress and pressure due to circumstances and I feel this may be what is happening, however that is only a self diagnosis which I know is never a good idea.
I am going to go to the doctors if it becomes more regular or starts to affect me in my daily routines etc, however I have a feeling that it may be down to a lot of stress and the pressures and strains of work and home. Obviously everybody experiences stress and pressure throughout their lives, and it just depends on us as individuals on how we deal with it. I don’t deal with it very well and tend to throw myself into cleaning if I’m struggling or it can go the other way and my cleaning reduces massively. I sometimes feel like the lights are on but nobody is home and that I am functioning very well to the outside but inside I am just on auto pilot and doing the minimum to get through the days and nights.
I never hide my mental state and have openly spoken about my mental health issues previously like when I opened up on Taboo subjects last year. I always try to write as honestly as I can about my mental health in order to help other people realise that there are others experiencing the same things and that there is support out there.